Foolish And Weak
The Discotheque Church was born out of a call from God. I never thought in a million years that I would be a pastor. It was never an interest of mine and not only that but it is a bit preposterous, I am a naturally quiet and reserved person — a true introvert.
Yet I must admit that when I look back over my life God left me hints, like the breadcrumbs in the tale of Hansel and Gretel, that he would call me to this assignment. In high school I attended a church called Zion Baptist Church and the Pastor’s name was Emil Thomas. Emil was awesome. He brought sermons alive for me. He made me want to go to seminary, not to be a preacher…but to learn for personal enrichment. I had already decided long ago that I would either be an electrical engineer or a writer, I loved both. Ultimately, I went the engineering route.
When I went off to college that is when the difficult years of my life began. I am blessed to say my childhood was pretty smooth sailing; adulthood has been quite the contrary however (I now know the reason for this is because I was being Jonah-like traveling away from where God was trying to send me. I was oblivious to it then, unlike Jonah, but I realize it now.). I have been saved since childhood, I made the choice to confessed my faith and get baptized when I was around 10 years old. But it wasn’t until around high school that I had the realization that everyone that believes in something believes that what they are putting their faith in is real and right — otherwise they wouldn’t bother to believe. So I said “ God, how do I know that you are real? Everyone that believes in a god or religion believes that their way is the right way. But according to you there is only one true God. So how do I know that I am not just believing in something false? How do I know you are the one true God? How do I know I am not the one believing in a false god or false doctrine? A lot of people participate in a particular religion simply because that was how they were raised; their parents/gaurdians raised them to believe certain things and they simply stuck with it and passed it down to their family never questioning if they actually believe or if they are just going through the motions, never questioning if the god they serve is real, never questioning if the doctrine they follow is sound, never questioning if they actually believe or if they are simply going with the flow— implementing their training or doing it out of habit. God please show me that you are real! I don’t want to blindly follow any religion or tradition. I don’t want to spend my life thinking I am doing whats right only to die and figure out I was wrong.”
Literally that same day God started “proving” himself to me. Mostly by answering my prayers, things I only discussed with him, things that were improbable… and not only did he answer but he would answer right away. This went on for a few weeks. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Since then I have never questioned if my God, the God of Abraham; Isaac; and Jacob, was real. I know he is! He proved it to me then and he continues to show me who he is now.
I was a believer now not because I was raised to be but because God was willing to show me that he was real. Yet I still wasn’t reading the Bible as I should at this point, and honestly I didn’t get super into studying my Bible until a few years ago. I grew up in church my entire life, had church going parents, knew reading the Bible was important but still did not read it. I tried a few times to read the Bible everyday but eventually maybe a few weeks into it or a few months into it I would miss a day, then two, then before you knew it Sunday, in service, was the only time I would read scripture. Why? Because I didn’t yet understand (I never heard) that the Bible was meant to be the user guide for life — to me it seemed important yet optional. Praying, knowing God for myself, trying to live right, and paying attention in church seemed good enough. I knew I was a good person and knew I would get to heaven and that was what mattered.
For a few years I had the persistent prayer “ God help me to know your voice. How do I know if my thoughts are you, the devil, or my own?” and God didn’t seem to answer my prayer. I thought it odd that he wouldn’t want to answer something that seemed so righteous. I kept praying year after year anyway. I never liked televangelism nor did I watch or listen to recorded sermons - they didn’t interest me. So I didn’t know anything about Joyce Meyer. One day I decided to google “how to hear God’s voice” and a Joyce Meyer video was one of the search results. I watched it and enjoyed it and decided to buy one of her books….that lead me to buy other books from her and other pastors/teachers, such as Tony Evans; Jim Cymbala; TD Jakes; Priscilla Shirer; and many others, as well as books from seminary professors and the like.
I was only a few books in when I was confident that I now understood how God speaks but in the process I discovered a love for studying scripture and reading Christian literature. Little did I know but this was God moving me into what he would call me to do — pastor and form The Discotheque Church.
